Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize