how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
