hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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