Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
