Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
