I think my fart just growled at me.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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