shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
