awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
