I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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