It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
