Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
