The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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