they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I wish I only lived at night.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
