Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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