how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Randomize
