yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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