I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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