Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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