At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
