you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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