did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
