remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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