Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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