Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
two words: eviction party
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
