when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
how does that bad decision feel?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
