Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
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