Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
