From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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