You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
