I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
