R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
