I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
