Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
