Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
