he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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