You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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