I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
