a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
