i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
