You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
