This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
