maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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