thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
