Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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