just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize