I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
where does the pee come out of this thing
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
