I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
