Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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