Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
