Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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