dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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