Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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