I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
i think im in europe. pls send help
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
