So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
