We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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