He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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