Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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