it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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