saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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