i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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