If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
