The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
