so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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