Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize