You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Dicks are not precious.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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