Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
