Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
