for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
