how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize