Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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