SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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