I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
