Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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