How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
