well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
