Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
