I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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