pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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