i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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