i already hear my dad disowning me
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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