even my farts smell like vagina
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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