I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
he puts the penis in happiness.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
