Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
