An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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