I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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