Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
