hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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