aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
