I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
