The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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