using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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