I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
