Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
