Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
