Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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