Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i dont even know how to be here
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
