why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
