And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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