i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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