look no pants
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
