I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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