I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
