Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
