Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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