I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
