I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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