There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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