Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
