If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
